Well, Lent is over. My fast from cheese is over. I don't know if giving up a food item is a good idea for me. I mean, it was difficult, but I don't know if it's good for me spiritually.
April 3rd was a day of self-reflection and frustration. It was also my birthday. I realized how NOT spiritual this Lenten season was for me. I wanted to eat cheese on my birthday and couldn't do it. At the same time I realized how I really didn't reflect on what I was preparing for when I didn't eat cheese. It wasn't a reflection on how Jesus sacrificed himself for us so I was sacrificing this little part of me...it was, "what else can I eat then?" I didn't really think about Good Friday and Easter and Holy Week anymore than usual which is really nothing. When I was able to partake in my celebration Sundays, cheese almost became a god to me. How could I eat more? It's midnight so I'm gonna make cheesy potatoes. This god then made me feel like dirt as I laid on the couch moaning from stomach pain.
I was frustrated with this fast and almost gave up. Not because I didn't think I could do it anymore, but because I was frustrated with myself so why continue?
My attitude starting Palm Sunday changed though. I made myself reflect on what was about to happen. When I wanted something with cheese in it, I thought about the sacrifice Jesus made for me. I imagined what He had done each day of that week and for some reason, I didn't want cheese. I don't know, it was a good week.
I'm thankful for Holy Week and being able to really grow with this fast...I just wish it would have been through the whole Lenten season. Next year, I am probably not gonna give up a food item. I'll be in a totally different place in my life, so who knows what it will be, but I don't think it will be food.
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